Best jokes about tia

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq.

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"

The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."

A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"

"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.

Manchester United have successfully renegotiated their...

Manchester United have successfully renegotiated their contract with referee Howard Webb for next season.

Sir Alex Ferguson has said, "He's on a no win, no fee basis."

When shaving over spots it's quite tricky not to cut the skin.

When shaving over spots it's quite tricky not to cut the skin.

But on the plus side my bald Dalmatian looks funny as fuck.

Four Antartians were driving to Disneyland one day.

Four Antartians were driving to Disneyland one day. Along the way they approached a sign that said 'Disneyland - left,' so they turned around and went home.

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were Antartians, and one was a university professor. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the professor said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the professor saying she would get off, all of the Antartians started clapping.

Q: A Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he...

Q: A Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

This fat bird wouldn't leave me alone last night, in...

This fat bird wouldn't leave me alone last night, in desperation I whispered something to her:

"I'm ever so sorry love, I didn't realise you were a retard" she replied.

"That's not what I said" I told her, "I said I've got spatial needs, so fuck off and leave me alone."

Did the civilisation of ancient Egypt break down because...

Did the civilisation of ancient Egypt break down because it was essentially just a massive pyramid scheme?

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request,...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world." The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

Just saw on the news that some of the Batman Movie...

Just saw on the news that some of the Batman Movie massacre victims got to meet Christian Bale at the Hospital... Apparently some of the luckier ones even got to meet Heath Ledger!

Why is an Xbox better than Cristiano Ronaldo?

Why is an Xbox better than Cristiano Ronaldo?

An Xbox will always force a save before you finish the game.

I just phoned to see if my poor old mum had got home...

I just phoned to see if my poor old mum had got home alright from shopping, after today's torrential downpour. My dad answered and said, "Yes, she's just come in absolutely drenched, shall I put her on the line?" I said, "No, let her dry out by the fire."

Why did Cristiano Ronaldo want a transfer to Tottenham Hotspur?

Why did Cristiano Ronaldo want a transfer to Tottenham Hotspur?

Because he heard their strikers were Bent and Keane.

An Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he...

An Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
The Antartian replies, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

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