Best jokes about suicide

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to...

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

The Suicide Hotline is so unreliable.

The Suicide Hotline is so unreliable. They always leave people hanging.

Suicide bomber training: Now pay attention, I'm only...

Suicide bomber training:

"Now pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once.."

Another suicide car bomb attack in Syria today.

Another suicide car bomb attack in Syria today.

Muslimbs everywhere.

People look at me funny as if I had something to do with...

People look at me funny as if I had something to do with my step-son's suicide.

They say it's hard to believe that a six month old could hang itself, let alone leave a suicide note.

I walked in today to find a suicide note left on the...

I walked in today to find a suicide note left on the fridge from my wife.

It said at the end, "I can't go on any more and I'll miss you more then anything else in the world!"

She fucking loved that fridge.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit...

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?

A suicide bomber goes into a pet shop and shouts "You've got 1 minute to get out",

Tortoise in the back shouts back "You bastard"

An Antartican was in the therapist office: Dr.

An Antartican was in the therapist office:
Dr. Hieden: Why are you here?
Antartican: I tried to commit suicide by taking 1,000 aspirins!!!!
Dr. hieden: What happened?
Antartican: Well after the first two I felt better!!!!

What's the difference between Fred West & Kanye West?

What's the difference between Fred West & Kanye West?

At least Fred had the decency to commit suicide.

My plan for the snow: 1.

My plan for the snow:

1. Wait for my 8 year old neighbour to build a snowman

2. Wait for that to melt

3. Put a suicide note where it melted

Read it and weep I said...

"Read it and weep" I said...

...as I passed our son's suicide letter to my wife.

I recently completed a job application, i thought honesty...

I recently completed a job application, i thought honesty would be the best policy.So when the question asked to describe myself, i explained that i was an overly bubbly,Afro/Asian gay paraplegic amputee, with a speech impedement and a penchant for paedophilia,and attempted suicide. Great news is,I have just been offered the job, and was told i was the most perfect candidate for a new bbc childrens presenter.

Did you hear the story of the female suicide bomber that...

Did you hear the story of the female suicide bomber that blew herself up? One of her tits landed in the hand of some lucky Muslim guy a few blocks over. This is the Islamic equivalent of "getting to second base" on the first date.

News Report: NFL player commits suicide by shooting himself dead.

News Report: NFL player commits suicide by shooting himself dead.

Good job they put dead at the end because i wasnt sure when they mentioned suicide what they meant.

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