Best jokes about retard

I was minding my own business when someone called me a retard, I almost choked on my shoelace

What is the best job to give to a retard? Window cleaner.

What is the best job to give to a retard?

Window cleaner.

I was shagging a retard in the car the other night and she wouldn't let me come in her mouth, so I came on the window and let nature take its course

Nothing beats Special K in the morning.

Nothing beats Special K in the morning. Except my Dad.

He never really came to terms with the fact that my brother, Kelvin, is a retard.

For April Fools' this year, I'm sneaking a retard into a sperm bank.

For April Fools' this year, I'm sneaking a retard into a sperm bank.

How do you kill a retard? Give him a knife.

How do you kill a retard?
Give him a knife.

I'm desperate to put my fat, retard son on a diet.

I'm desperate to put my fat, retard son on a diet.

But I can't find sugar-free windows anywhere.

What do you call a retard up to his knees in poo?

What do you call a retard up to his knees in poo?

A down in the dumps.

I walked into a local brothel last night and felt like a retard.

I walked into a local brothel last night and felt like a retard.

Unfortunately they didn't cater for that fetish.

Can't believe people pay money to watch a bunch of...

Can't believe people pay money to watch a bunch of drooling retards perform!

I really hate one direction.

I was minding my own business when someone called me a...

I was minding my own business when someone called me a retard, I almost chocked on my shoelace.

Hello 999 emergency, which service do you require?

"Hello 999 emergency, which service do you require?"

"Well, the wife was doing a barbecue and has set fire to the fence.."

"Ok sir so the fire bri...."

"....But she's also undercooked the food causing me to vomit uncontrollably.."

"Right sir, fire brigade and an amb..."

"Actually, just send them all"

"Why's that sir?"

"I've just stabbed the clumsy retard".

If I had a penny for everytime someone called me a retard...

If I had a penny for everytime someone called me a retard...

My shit would probably be full of half digested pennies.

What's always up but always down? A retard on anti-depressants

What's always up but always down?

A retard on anti-depressants

This fat bird wouldn't leave me alone last night, in...

This fat bird wouldn't leave me alone last night, in desperation I whispered something to her:

"I'm ever so sorry love, I didn't realise you were a retard" she replied.

"That's not what I said" I told her, "I said I've got spatial needs, so fuck off and leave me alone."

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