Best jokes about rape

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"

As a policeman I deal with rape victims on a daily basis, ...

As a policeman I deal with rape victims on a daily basis,

Women really seem to trust me when I'm in a police uniform...

Match.

Match.com has declined my subscription.

According to them, rape is NOT a guilty pleasure.

Sex with a person that doesn't want it is rape I don't...

"Sex with a person that doesn't want it is rape"

I don't think a woman that's asleep is in any position to make choices.

Julian Assange is quite right: having sex with somebody...

Julian Assange is quite right: having sex with somebody while they are asleep isn't rape.

It's marriage.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.

Unfortunately, it's only for victims. (via Gary Delaney)

Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible!

Old Chinese proverb:

Rape impossible!
Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

Im almost jealous of my mates skill with the ladies, he's...

Im almost jealous of my mates skill with the ladies, he's like Lionel Messi he scores every time.

I'm more like Emile Heskey.

I rape them because I'm black.

I was looking at erotic films from around the world.

I was looking at erotic films from around the world. The Indian Kama Sutra was great, but I'd already seen the African film under a different title:

Gang Rape.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a black man are in jail.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a black man are in jail.

The Englishman says, "I'm in for for drink-driving, but it could have been worse, I could have caused a major accident. What about you?"

The Scotsman replies, "I'm in for rape, but could have been worse, at least I didn't kill her."

"What you in for mate", he asks the black man.

The black man replies, "I'm in for having no lights on my push bike, but might have been worse, it could have been night time."

Rio Ferdinand means a black person who thinks they're...

Rio Ferdinand means a black person who thinks they're white when he uses the term choc-ice, not someone who has a black dad and a white mum.
They are known as rape children.

Imprisoned footballer Ched Evans launches rape appeal ...

Imprisoned footballer Ched Evans launches rape appeal

He wants to be careful what asks for in prison.

Footballer Ched Evans is going to jail for raping someone.

Footballer Ched Evans is going to jail for raping someone.

Hypocritical really. Lionel Messi rapes 11 people at the same time and everyone calls him a god.

What's worse than being raped by Santa?

What's worse than being raped by Santa?

Realising a few years later that Santa isn't real and it was actually your dad

A promise of a blow job from Black Widow.

A promise of a blow job from Black Widow. A threat of being arse raped by the Hulk. Being given all of Ironman's money.

Still wouldn't make me use Internet Explorer 9.

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