Mary is no spring chicken and certainly no beauty queen, but she's out looking for a man. As it happens, she strikes up a conversation with a guy in a pub, who tells her he has just been released after 20 years in prison.
"So what did you do?" asks Mary.
"I don't really like to talk about it," says the guy, "but I got into an argument with my wife, lost the head, stabbed her with a kitchen knife and chopped her up into little bits."
Mary smiles and says: "Cool. So you're single then?"
So, John Terry's defence was that he was only repeating what Anton Ferdinand had said to him. This was the reason that the court cleared him months ago.
Well, I was down the park earlier and heard 2 children bickering over having to share their sweets with each other. The little girl turned to her brother and said "You're really tight, even for a 5 year old!!"
Later on in my basement, I repeated that statement to the little girl, and now I'm looking at 20 years in prison.
After being arrested for robbery, Quinn hired the best lawyer in town.
Look, the crook said, Ive got nearly a million in cash in my bank box.
Can you get me off?
The lawyer said, Believe me, pal, you will never go to prison with that kind of money.
And sure enough, he did not. He went to prison flat broke.
I was in a restaurant with my mate and his kid last week. I thought I'd wink at him to see if like most kids, he would just blink back with both eyes. When he winked perfectly back at me I was so surprised I exclaimed 'Wow that's amazing, kids almost NEVER wink back at you!' Hence why I'm writing this from prison
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and
son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled.
"What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered,
"Your mother wants to eat first!"