Best jokes about poo

I was at the pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss...

I was at the pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.

The life guard must have noticed though.

He blew his whistle so fucking loud I nearly fell in.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing somebody...

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing somebody with a knife is too easy.

Quote of the day: Whenever you're feeling powerless,...

Quote of the day: "Whenever you're feeling powerless, remember that just one of your turds can shut down a whole swimming pool."

Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their...

Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof -- the husband was 90.

What do you call a retard up to his knees in poo?

What do you call a retard up to his knees in poo?

A down in the dumps.

Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.

Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.

Father: "Can you please pray for dinner!"

Little Johnny: "Dear God. Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Dad’s computer. Amen!"

Q: What is grosser than gross?

Q: What is grosser than gross?
   A: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a
spoon in your butt.

Did you hear that Reese woman from Legally Blonde was...

"Did you hear that Reese woman from Legally Blonde was stabbed this morning?"

"Witherspoon?"

"No, with a knife"

A certain leisure complex had a cinema and a swimming pool.

A certain leisure complex had a cinema and a swimming pool. One day, thecinema screen fell into the pool. The owners left it there and used it as adive-in theater.

I feel sorry for those affected in the shooting at the...

I feel sorry for those affected in the shooting at the Batman screening. The poor guys making a pirate copy of the film are going to have a bastard of a job editing that out.

What's the difference between Shampoo and a Jew?

What's the difference between Shampoo and a Jew?

Shampoo lasts more than one shower.

Roses are red My tampon is too You know what that means?

Roses are red

My tampon is too

You know what that means?

In the poo-poo

Yo momma is so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

Yo momma is so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?

Bob

I was thrown out of my local swimming pool for pissing in it.

I was thrown out of my local swimming pool for pissing in it.

"How did you know I was pissing?" I asked the lifeguard.
"The shallow end only goes up to your knees"

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