Best jokes about masturbating

I caught my son masturbating over a photo of my wife this morning.

I caught my son masturbating over a photo of my wife this morning.

I then had to explain to him that a MILF is supposed to be someone else's mother.

Bad news for Portugal fans.

Bad news for Portugal fans. Ronaldo has picked up an injury while masturbating furiously over his own reflection.

Doctor: Look, you're going to have to stop masturbating.

Doctor: "Look, you're going to have to stop masturbating."

Patient: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I always know when my son has been masturbating because...

I always know when my son has been masturbating because his room stinks of Lynx, sweat and shame.

I always know when my daughter has been masturbating because I've installed a secret camera behind her two way mirror.

What is the definition of ultimate rejection?

What is the definition of ultimate rejection?

Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Katie Price has said she is taking some time out to...

Katie Price has said she is taking some time out to re-charge her batteries.

She's been masturbating with just her fingers and various items of furniture the last few days.

Wanking

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating, my son, the priest replied, "You'll
be doing this soon."
"Why's that father ?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me, the priest replied.