A young couple adopt a German baby. He was a perfectly normal except for the fact he never spoke a word.
They had him tested in every different way to find out what was wrong but nothing came up until one day aged five after lunch he says, "This strudel is tepid."
His parents are completely amazed. "What's been wrong? How can you talk? Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy turned to the parents and slowly replies, "Until now, everything has been satisfactory."
At an international medical conference, and American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; I cant stand it sometimes, We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS. I know what you mean, said the German We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria. We dont have that problem in our country, said the Russian doctor. When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.
It seems very unfair that people brand certain dogs as 'dangerous'. These dogs spend less that 1% of their lives mauling children and babies, and yet they are branded as dangerous. 99% of the time they are not savaging anyone. If your car worked 99% of the time you would not call it 'unreliable'. Maybe it's just that I've never been scared of dangerous animals. I was once bitten on the arse by a German Shepherd, but he apologised afterwards and even introduced me to his dog.
A bunch of Germans had been on the beer and wanted to take a piss in the middle of London.
They asked a policeman, "Where's the nearest place we can take a piss?"
The policeman says, "You can go round the side of this building and piss on it as much as you want".
Having pissed themselves happy, one German says to the copper, "Is zis wot zey call English hospitality".
The copper says, "Fuck off, that's what we call the French Embassy".
My daughter brought home her new black boyfriend last night. I was under explicit instructions to be on my best behaviour and not say anything out of turn.
Things were going well until I admired his watch as I offered him some traditional German Christmas cake.
"That's a nice watch you've got, Leroy... Stollen?"