Best jokes about german

The saying goes Hitler rebuilt Germany, block by block,...

The saying goes " Hitler rebuilt Germany, block by block, from the ground up". Does this mean he was playing MeinKraft?

Nazi Germany surrenders to the Alliance (which included...

Nazi Germany surrenders to the Alliance (which included the United States) on 7th of may 1945. Chuck Norris was born on 6th of may 1945. Coincidence? I dont think so.

Lukas Podolski, Miroslav Klose, Mesut Ozil, Sami Khedira,...

Lukas Podolski, Miroslav Klose, Mesut Ozil, Sami Khedira, Jerome Boateng - all top football players for Germany. If Hitler was still alive and in power, German football would be shit!

How would You greet a German car sales man?. Audi

How would You greet a German car sales man?.
Audi

At an international medical conference, and American, a...

At an international medical conference, and American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.” “I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria.” “We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”

The German football players have paid an emotional visit...

The German football players have paid an emotional visit to the former Auschwitz concentration camp on their way to Euro 2012.

Yes, it's always quite moving to see where your grandparents used to work....

A bunch of Germans had been on the beer and wanted to take...

A bunch of Germans had been on the beer and wanted to take a piss in the middle of London.

They asked a policeman, "Where's the nearest place we can take a piss?"

The policeman says, "You can go round the side of this building and piss on it as much as you want".

Having pissed themselves happy, one German says to the copper, "Is zis wot zey call English hospitality".

The copper says, "Fuck off, that's what we call the French Embassy".

Really enjoyed the Olympics sailing today.

Really enjoyed the Olympics sailing today. China took gold, Germany took silver and Somalia took them all hostage.

Growing up German and Jewish was very challenging.

Growing up German and Jewish was very challenging.

Half of me wanted to kill myself. The other half got angry when I'd buy the bullets to do it.

What's the difference between Lady Diana and the East Germans?

What's the difference between Lady Diana and the East Germans?

The East Germans survived the wall.

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!

An American couple visiting in a German village stepped...

An American couple visiting in a German village stepped into a small shop to look for souvenirs. The woman sneezed.
"Gesundheit" said the clerk.
"Charles," said the American woman to her husband, "we're in luck. There's somebody here who speaks English."

Apparently they're replacing Spiderman with superior Spiderman.

Apparently they're replacing Spiderman with superior Spiderman. I don't know about you, but my friends in Germany are going to love it when I talk to them about SS Man!

In an astonishing turn of events Ethiopia, Congo and...

In an astonishing turn of events Ethiopia, Congo and Somalia have dominated the mens cycling finals.

Great Britain, France and Germany finished far behind on foot, chasing after their stolen property.

It seems very unfair that people brand certain dogs as 'dangerous'.

It seems very unfair that people brand certain dogs as 'dangerous'. These dogs spend less that 1% of their lives mauling children and babies, and yet they are branded as dangerous. 99% of the time they are not savaging anyone. If your car worked 99% of the time you would not call it 'unreliable'. Maybe it's just that I've never been scared of dangerous animals. I was once bitten on the arse by a German Shepherd, but he apologised afterwards and even introduced me to his dog.

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