Best jokes about dildo

I was at a party a few nights ago, and my rich brother I...

I was at a party a few nights ago, and my rich brother I hadn't seen for ages said to me "you know Ben, I recently bought my wife a birthday present of a Rolls Royce and a diamond necklace, so if she doesn't like it, she can take it back whilst driving the rolls!"
To which I replied, "I bought my wife a dress and a dildo, so if she doesn't like it she can go fuck herself!"

My wife likes to have a kiss and a cuddle after sex.

My wife likes to have a kiss and a cuddle after sex.

She treats that dildo far better than she does me.

My wife wanted to heat things up in the bedroom.

My wife wanted to heat things up in the bedroom.

So I put her dildo in the microwave for three minutes on high.

I went back to this girl's house last night.

I went back to this girl's house last night. As soon as we got in the door, she pulled out a twelve inch dildo.

Ordinarily I wouldn't be shocked, but she must have had that up her twat all night.

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!

Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters