Best jokes about asshole

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in...

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and smack the asshole in the head.

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for...

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman. "Is it true that you called him a liar?

"Yes, I did."

"Did you call him stupid?"

"Yes."

"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"

"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal...

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.

He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?

In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

One Direction is an ironic band name seeing as all of...

One Direction is an ironic band name seeing as all of their assholes are definitely two-directional.

What does a blonde do with her asshole in the morning?

What does a blonde do with her asshole in the morning?

Pack his lunch and send him to work.

Kim Kardashian has announced she's planning on bleaching...

Kim Kardashian has announced she's planning on bleaching her asshole

Or Kanye West, to use his proper name.

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.

"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids ..."

Q: What's 18 inches long, black, and hangs in front of an asshole?

Q: What's 18 inches long, black, and hangs in front of an asshole?
A: A stethoscope.

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work? She drops him off at band practice.

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet...

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past
them.
One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was
moving?"
The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes
and they were all on fire!"

What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

Cowboy hats are for assholes!